Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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