He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
two words...techno handjob
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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