to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My vagina is very pro this idea
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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