I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
