Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
