I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
