I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
