I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
