"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
