I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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