I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
