Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
