so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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