Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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