so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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