I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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