Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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