i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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