pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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