Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
