that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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