Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
