i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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