I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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