***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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