Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
