It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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