we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
