Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
