I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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