btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
