Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
