Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Come share oat with me in your robe
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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