I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
