Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
