He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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