If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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