Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
