I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My bed smells like the plague
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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