I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
