I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
