take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
