Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
