I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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