Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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