Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dick very happy bro
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
