is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
