At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
