I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
