make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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