I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
