I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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