Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
